Realizations

I have been working in my spare time to upload all the family videos onto our computer that I've taken over the last 3+ years, title and date each one, and then back them up onto the external HD. I've been feeling this big urge to make sure our family history stuff (photos and videos and blog, etc) are all backed up and in order. I don't know what I would do if we lost any part of that history! The last couple nights I have been watching the videos that go all the way back to when Grace was in the NICU. The funny thing I've realized is that instead of feeling nostalgic and wishing for those days again, the complete opposite has happened. I am finding myself feeling very grounded and very content with where I am now. I have struggled over the past little while with frustrations to do with money, social life changes and worries, not giving my kids/husband my best self and attitude, wishing Grace was the sweet angel she used to be, wishing I could spend more one-on-one time with Logan, feeling homesick for family, etc. Lots of different things. I just haven't been very happy in my own skin and joyful in the "moments". But today feels completely different, with more clarity and self-assurance than I've felt in a long time.

Some important realizations that I want to record and remember: 

(these might sound a bit too mushy and honest for some, so be warned ;) )

-The kids only go stir crazy if I'm stir crazy myself. They're perfectly happy to stay inside all day as long as I play with them and I'm in a good mood.

-Even though Grace has been so frustrating for me lately, I once again see in her that sweet little angel girl that we were so blessed to have. The same girl who my Heavenly Father told me multiple times before she was born that we were going to be best friends. She is teaching me to let go of the fact that I prefer being a mommy-of-a-baby and embrace the growing, learning big kid that she is turning into.

-Nobody cares if my house is not "picked up" (except me). Ryan doesn't care if dinner is just fend-for-yourself when he gets home at 7pm. He doesn't care if I'm in my PJs by then (and have been all day). He just wants me to be happy.

-Grace is my mirror. If I am being really grumpy and ordering her around, she will say "No" and give me lots of attitude back. If we are all being happy and fun and helping each other, then she will choose to be helpful without being asked (get Logan a toy, share her goldfish with him, clean up).

-Families are the greatest blessing on this earth. Forgiveness and respect are the best way to keep those family relationships strong and be happier ourselves. 

-My social life will probably never be the same it was in Henderson... which was a time in my life that I had so many amazing girls in my situation with young babies, and we were all "in it together". I "knew" this back then but didn't really soak it in. I guess somewhere inside I thought I would move here and have another big group of girls that I would find equally genuine friendships with and I would fit right in. But I believe that there is a time and season for every thing. I do have some family here (which is a huge blessing), a few friends, and still many more to get to know better. I'm even finding that some of the most genuine friendships I have gained here are with ladies who have much older kids (even in the empty-nester stage). My old life seemed to revolve around doing something social every day or every-other-day... but my new one is very different. And it's ok! I am so grateful to be here and grateful for lots of wonderful people around me who care. So what do I need to remember?: I am not friendless and I myself need to be a better friend.

-I don't think I have it in me to make a real "business" out of doing photography. I honestly LOVE doing it, and I love creating sweet photos to cherish, but I don't like to lose time with my family or be stressed out if I don't produce the best image and some might be judging me for it. I am still learning how to balance it all and I hope to continue to take pictures for people who ask, but I don't think I will try to push very hard to get my name out there. Also I admit that I don't have thick enough skin yet if people don't like my "art", which cannot be the case if I am going to continue doing this. Exchanging money for something I love to do is already hard/awkward enough for me that I'd rather it just be low-key and for fun. But I know practice makes perfect, so hopefully it gets easier and better in the future! :) Maybe I'll have more time on my hands at some point in the future but I'm not worried about it. I still have my two favorite subjects with me at home and a super cute niece and nephew not far away. :)

Birthday Celebration

Logan's birthday fell on a monday night and Ryan wasn't going to be home early enough to celebrate after dinner. So the night before (sunday) we had Ben and Amanda and their kids over for cake and ice cream. I didn't have it in me to plan a birthday party for him... And I still feel guilty about it, but oh well. I know he won't remember. Even the cake I made was just sad. But he knows we love him. :) I'm grateful to Ben and Amanda for coming and celebrating him with us! We are grateful to have family so close by.

Logan got some fun presents, which of course his sister has claimed as her own. 

We are struggling to teach her to share with her brother.

 I don't know what he was doing here, but it makes me giggle. He's such a chub!

 Sooo excited that everyone is singing Happy Birthday to him!

 A HUGE piece of cake for a big boy. And he actually ate the entire thing!

Not at all surprising..

 

It was just a small celebration, but we sure love Logan so so much. Happy 1st Birthday, bud!

Cake!

"Mmm... That was good."

Thanks again, Ben and Amanda, for allowing us to turn your front room into a studio! Sorry about the mess. ;)

Our Big One Year Old!

One year ago tonight, our sweet Logan Quinn Turner was born. His birth was one of great anticipation as I'd been on bed rest for many weeks up to that point. We (and many around us) fought very hard to keep him safe until he was physically ready to come, and we are beyond grateful for his healthy body and safety during that time. I had to deal with the physical, emotional, and mental struggles that come with having to be laying down allllll day long, for 6 weeks. Stressing about an early delivery, but trying hard not to stress and create more contractions. Trying to control contractions that were happening around the clock for weeks. Crying all the time about everything, including not being able to be there for Grace. Ryan had to deal with all of my roller coaster ups and downs PLUS be a single dad PLUS yelling at me helping me to stay laying down no matter how bad things were for him and Grace. Poor Grace lost her play mate in me and didn't understand at all what was going on. She was shuttled around from friend to friend until finally we had to ship her up to Salt Lake to stay between the Grandmas for more than 2 weeks.

Whoo! That was a rough time... 

But we went through it all for a wonderful little boy who is a blessing straight from our Heavenly Father. We needed him in our family. He is such a big part of our lives and we wouldn't be the same without him! I am grateful everyday that Heavenly Father gave us this sweet little man. He opened me up to a whole new side of being a mommy and I look forward to all the BOY things he will allow us to experience, like scouts, receiving the priesthood, and going on a mission, to name a few. He loves his family so much and it's very plain to see. I am so grateful that during a time when we struggle with his sister's attitude and growing pains, he is always so willing to show me how much he loves me and needs me. I hope we can always have that relationship. :)

Some things about Logan at 12 months:
-weight 24 pounds 4 oz!! 88%
-height 30 inches 55%
-has 5 teeth with another working it's way in.
-wears size 12-18 clothes, size 4 diapers, size 5 toddler shoe (big feet!)
-his hair is coming in nicely - I will need to start shaping up the lines on his neck pretty soon so he doesn't look too sloppy.
-says "dee" or "dee dees" or something close to it for "Binkie".
-says "owe" quite often or if he bonks his head... or while hitting me.
-other words: mama, dada, ball is just the sound "b", Grace sounds like "diz"
-blows kisses, points his finger at everything, waves "hi", "bye", and waves to say "goodnight".
-crawls SUPER fast and moves pretty quickly when he is cruising from one piece of furniture to the next
-getting a little better at clapping, and often pounds his hand on his other arm which I think is him doing the hand motion for "here's the baby's hammer, see how she can pound" from a song we sing together.
-loves to listen to music, dance (sway back and forth or shake his booty while standing) and listen to us sing songs to him.
-He is still a big, thick kid. ;) And we love that about him. His rolls are so adorable and I love it when he is down to his diaper. He is also getting tall and is almost up to Grace's shoulders.
-tried peanut butter for the first time in this last month and loves it! Peanut Butter and jam sandwiches are one of his favorites and he eats more than his sister in one sitting. He also tried blueberry baby yogurt for the first time and loves that as well. He also tried hamburger meat and does not like it!

 -Learned to climb the stairs... and made it almost all the way up a couple times without anyone noticing. Whoops. We have bought a baby gate since then! But he sure is a FAST little thing!

 -Plays peek a boo himself with towels or blankets... and LOVES to pull down my totally clean dish towels from where I hang them and wipe them around the floor. :( Which means we got through a lot of kitchen towels in a day.

 -Is developing is typical sibling relationship with his sister. He will adore her and follow her and laugh at everything she does!... and then sometime he will hit her, whine at her, scream at her, hold toys far away from her so she can't grab them, get mad when she steals something from him, etc. Oh the joys of sibling-hood. ;) But on this particular day (pictured) Grace was outside and making him shriek with laughter through the window.

 -Loves his binkie still. :) And finally uses the bigger size (not pictured). I'm glad, because we were down to the last little baby one and I had already bought the bigger ones which he refused to use a month ago.

 -One of his very favorite things to do is to roll balls across the kitchen floor, or on the carpet like in this photo. He and Grace will roll balls in the kitchen or drive cars back and forth for hours!

 -Another cute thing that I love is when he collapses onto a pillow or blanket. It's so funny to watch him quickly crawl over to something soft, plow into and simply lay there for a minute.

 -Logan is getting a lot better at focused activities like driving a car on something, sending a car or ball down a ramp, or putting a toy inside another toy. He is also obsessed with play spoons and cups, and will pretend to feed himself something with the spoon. Last sunday I stuck a plastic spoon and cup in our church bag last minute, hoping it might help chill him out for a minute at some necessary point that day. I was right! I pulled it out while he was freaking out during sacrament meeting and he was so excited!

 -Stands up if he can grab on to something, and will walk with something like this stroller. I think he is close to walking, but don't expect it anytime really soon. Maybe another few weeks.

 -Loves being pushed around in the laundry basket, and luckily Grace loves doing it! Win-win.

 -He has such a silly side to him and is often making us laugh. He does these funny eye-rolls and looks that I can't help but bust up laughing when I see them. When I lay him down in his bed, he will play peek a boo with his blanket and keeps his face covered for a surprisingly long several seconds before pulling it back down. He's just funny!... and I love watching his personality develop. :)

Here is a video to show you another fun game he was playing with me the other day:

 -Is half-way done with the weaning process. I have dropped one feeding per week and am about to drop the 3rd of 4 this week. He hasn't minded at all, it seems, and is perfectly fine drinking whole milk. I am so sad to be done nursing him. I just love that time with him so close... but I'll get over it. :(
His first experience with milk wasn't too great - and he still gets this "ew, what is this?!" look on his face sometimes (like the one pictured). But mostly he is doing great with the transition.

 -Faces forward in the car now. It's a personal decision for us. I know that the new recommendations (they are not laws) say to keep kids turned until 2 years old. Logan is a pretty big boy, weighs plenty over 20 pounds, and is sooo much happier facing forward. Plus his humungous convertible seat kept me from being able to see him or hand things to him. This works better for us. To each their own. I know other parents are gung-ho about keeping their kids backwards, and I respect that. :)

-Throws some pretty awesome tantrums... even at one year old! And has been doing this for months. He will throw his head back and smack it against whatever is there (my head, my chest, a chair, the floor, etc). He'll smash his face down on the ground in protest. But my favorite is when he does this:

Can you say "brain damage"?!

-I've said it before, I know, but I just ADORE how sweet Logan is. He has so much love to give and likes to show it. He is so good at "giving loves", as we call it. 

We are so grateful for you, Logan, and love you more than words!!

Goates family visit

My parents and younger brother flew into town on thursday evening, the 27th. It goes without saying, but we were REALLY looking forward to having them come and stay for a week!! I know this sounds selfish, but I was excited for them to see our new place and for them to see how big the kids have gotten since they saw them last. With all the snow storms all over the country over those couples of days, we were very grateful that it didn't effect their flights. That night was low-key since it was late, close to kids' bedtimes, and everyone was pretty tired from traveling. With two different families/houses to stay at, we like to take turns hosting. It was our turn first, for the first half of the week! Luckily, Logan adjusted easily to sleeping in our master bedroom while his room was being used, and Thomas was a good sport about sleeping on a mattress in the loft area with no privacy. Sorry Tom. ;)

On friday morning, we had everybody for breakfast (Ben's family, our family, parents and Thomas) and opened some family gifts. I made a breakfast casserole and sticky buns.

Grace does lots of stamping and coloring with her new kit from Nana and Bompa, and they love the fun bath toys that Logan got!

We enjoyed relaxing, playing, chatting, and hanging out together the rest of the morning and into the lunch hour. I got to try out my new panini maker with some ciabatta rolls while we all made some awesome paninis!! I am in love with that thing.

Grace and Owen had "picnics" all over the house with Ava's new picnic basket. I even caught them saying prayers over their picnic lunch. Cute right? If only Grace would ever say the prayer in real life! ;)

p.s. Please excuse her un-brushed hair...

 I have one talented brother! We love hearing him play.

Our kids have an awesome Grandpa!

 Ryan was able to take his holiday break (FINALLY!!) from the 28th - Jan 2nd so the kids and I were really loving having him around. The picture is of Ryan teaching Logan how to tickle his sister.

So sweet.

 And Grace was on cloud nine with Nana around to play her favorite games with her. She is obsessed!

On saturday, the kids played out in the snow with Ben and Thomas and my dad, while the ladies ran some errands together, and Ryan and Logan hung out at home.

That afternoon a few of the guys went to the Ohio State basketball game. They won, of course, and it sounded like the guys had a great time! Afterwards, we each got babysitters for the kiddos and all the adults met up for some dinner at bd's Mongolian Grill. We really love that place and it was so much fun! Everybody enjoyed the process of putting their own meals together and watching the "show" (the cooks preparing your meal). It was so great being able to get out with just the adults. 

After dinner we headed up the street for some dessert at Jeni's Ice Cream. This place is no ordinary ice cream parlor. It's all organic and has some super crazy combinations and flavors. I admit I was pretty hesitant. I mean, Cayenne? and Wildberry Lavender? Sweet Potato with Torched Marshmallows? Luckily they let you test some before buying, and I fell in love with their Dark Chocolate and their Ugandan Vanilla Bean. Seriously so yummy. Like a dark chocolate bar melted down ... but creamy, icey goodness. :) I think we'll be going back!

On sunday we all went to afternoon church (last afternoon for a whole year, baby!) and had great meetings there. The Bishop presented our ward goal for 2013 which is all about missionary work and uniting our prayers, efforts, and fasts together as a ward to bring the Gospel to more people. We will be signing up throughout the year so that every single day of the 2013 there will be a different person fasting for missionary opportunities in our ward. I've been blown away with this ward and the desire they have to unite together in such a big way. Last year they had at least one person attend the temple from our ward every single day that it was open! So impressive. Anyway on this particular sunday we were able to have the mission president and his wife (President and Sister Nilson) speak to us about the basics of being a good missionary. We talk about it all the time in our church ("Every member a missionary") but it's a lot harder than it sounds. They did an awesome job making the goals sound so realistic and possible. This mission pres. is also the CEO of Cafe Rio. We chatted with them afterwards about loving and missing it so much. Oh, how I wish we had a location here!! The closest is 7 hours away. :/ Hopefully when they are home from their mission they can work on opening one in the place they grew to love! hehe 

Sunday night we all had an awesome enchilada dinner at Ben and Amanda's house, and my parents and Tom moved their stuff over there for the last half of the trip. Although I really wish they could have stayed another night or two with us. :) 

On monday, the ladies went to see Les Miserables during lunch and nap time (so as not to overwhelm the men with the kids). What an AWESOME movie!! Very long, and heavy, and emotional... and I honestly had a headache when I left. But it was so good. Thanks, guys, for letting us go! 

That evening, we got together at B&A's house for a waffle and ice cream dinner (tradition!) to celebrate New Years' Eve. I didn't take an pics of dinner, but it's always a favorite. The kids played and ran wild with all the sugar we gave them. Then they settled in for a movie before bed.

 Ryan and I put our kids to bed at their house so that we could stay and hang out until midnight (or however long we could last). I'm so glad we did! The kids slept great for those few hours while the adults ate and laughed and played games.

 Another sort-of tradition/inside joke... My mom, Ben and Thomas ran out into the snow (with no shoes or coats) and made snow angels. Can you say CRAZY?

 Then we toasted to the new year!... But oops, it wasn't quite midnight...

 It was only a little after 11pm. We were all pretty beat, and I was afraid that transporting our sleepy kids back to our house would be traumatic, so we got an early start. It ended up going perfectly, and the kids went right back to bed when we got home. They were even pretty giggly in the car ride - it was really cute.

 On Tuesday, it was the guys' turn to go see Les Miserable, so I hung out with my mom and Amanda. I put Logan down for a nap there and Grace watched some shows quietly while we ladies made decorations for my sis-in-law's baby shower next week.

 That evening we played and hung out some more, ate, chatted, and tried to soak in the last little bit of time with Grandma, Grandpa and Uncle Tom!

 The next morning, we went back over to say goodbye before their flight and got a few last photos.

 I can't say enough how grateful I am that my family came in town to spend time with us!! I love them and miss them so much. I'm so happy for my kids that they were able to continue building their relationships with them since we are so far away now. I'm still trying to swallow the fact that we only get to see them a couple times a year.

Mom and Dad and Thomas - We just love you guys!! Thank you for coming to celebrate post-Christmas and New Years with us!!