Grace & Baby Brother

On wednesday evening, my parents and Grace got in town. It felt like we had been waiting for this moment for so long! Ryan and I met them out in the parking lot and Grace was sooo giddy and excited. She kept giggling and smiling and didn't know what to do with herself. My parents said that when she saw from the car where they were, she immediately knew she was home and was super happy with a shocked look on her face. :) I'm so glad she was happy to come home. I ran inside ahead of everyone so I could video tape Grace's reaction to seeing Logan. Here it is...

Back together again!

Logan felt he should get Grace a present... Smart kid. ;) He gave her some puzzles, including an alphabet one which she loves!

I am so happy. I really am. I can't even describe the joy I feel having these two sweet children in our home. Ryan and I are both still a little in shock that we even HAVE two kids... and two carseats in our car. haha Weird! But we're so in love with them both and are beyond happy to be home together as a family again. Being a mommy is who I am. Grace and Logan make me feel so fulfilled and happy. Having two is going to be a challenge, especially with Ryan going back to work/rotations next week. But honestly I feel so ready to take on the challenge and live our new normal. :)

Welcome Logan Quinn Turner!

Birth Story:

On saturday morning I woke up absolutely determined to have our baby that day. I talked to a couple of friends about their experiences with castor oil (yep... I admit it...). I knew there was a chance it wouldn't work, and a good chance it could make me sick, but I was willing to at least try it since we'd tried everything else up to that point! I was already having regular contractions (like I always did) about 10-20 minutes apart before drinking it. Yuck! It was gross... even mixed in OJ... but totally worth it! Within about an hour and a half (by 2pm) I was contracting every 2-5 minutes and they were pretty significant. We were already completely packed, house clean & organized, fridge full of groceries, laundry & dishes done (we had a lot of waiting time on our hands last week), so we loaded the car and headed to the hospital around 3 pm!

I think we both felt guilty for "cheating" sort of and I was feeling so sure the contractions would slow down and they'd just send me home. Even though they were still every 5 minutes for me, they weren't hard ones at all and I was feeling extremely relaxed. Last time I was crying, freaking out, and in tons of pain on the way to the hospital, so this was a very different/nice experience! I got into triage, got hooked up to the monitors, and kept having contractions every 3-4 minutes. Our nurse was awesome and so nice to us! She was also LDS and we enjoyed having her until her shift change.

When she checked my cervix around 4pm I was about 3-4 cm dilated. The nurses and Dr. Lewis both decided that was progressed enough to keep me, especially since my contractions were getting even closer together and more intense. I wasn't in much pain from them, to be honest! I could feel when they were happening, but mostly I was just having back pain like the bed was really uncomfortable. Apparently it was back labor. :) The nurse kept looking at the monitor and saying "These really aren't hurting you?! That's a big one!" haha I'm soooo glad they were so manageable this time. The anesthesiologist came in after 5, I'm guessing. He had to place my epidural twice which was no fun (hit a blood vessel the first time). As a precaution, based on what happened last time, they also started a penacilin drip (even though I was group B negative this time) and they started a pitocin drip, assuming that I would need a little extra help keeping the contractions going. However I only made it about 2 minutes on pitocin when they realized it was completely unnecessary. Ryan said the contractions were coming ridiculously fast by then. Thank goodness I couldn't feel them! However what I COULD feel was the penicilin drip. OUCH! That stuff kills going in. I thought my arm would fall off. :(

When they broke my water, Logan dropped really fast which caused his heart rate to slow down quite a bit all of a sudden. The nurses immediately gave me oxygen to breath and had me change positions a little to get things stablized. His heart rate came back up just fine after that and they kept telling me over and over that everything was fine and not to worry. Dr. Lewis had been on her way at the time, even though I was still dilated to just a 7 or so by this point. When the nurse called to tell her about the small heart rate scare she rushed right in and showed up in minutes! I was very impressed because last time (with all the issues Grace had during labor) Dr. Lewis STILL didn't show up until it was almost too late. I've been frustrated by that these last 2 years, but I was happy she showed up in time to spend the last 45 mins or so of my labor with us.

Even though we had that tiny little stressful moment, up to this point we'd only been at the hospital for about 4 hours. Things were going so well, I felt like we were just hanging out, chatting, and it was so low-key. Dr. Lewis had me push a little (dilated to a 9 by then) to help get the baby a bit lower and ready to deliver. Within about 15 minutes everything was set up and ready to go! Dr. Lewis was a really awesome cheerleader while I pushed. I went into it thinking I could do it quickly like last time. After I'd pushed through two contractions without him coming out, and realized how HARD it was, I was thinking "Holy cow, I can't do this". Plus I could feel way more of what was going on than I wanted to because my epidural wasn't working great. I could feel a good amount of the discomfort and pain on my left side, and I wasn't able to relax and simply push as easily as last time. I'm so glad it only took 4 big contractions because it hurt really bad once his head was out and I could feel the rest of his body waiting to come out next. Yuck. Not a fun feeling - and I know I absolutely could never do natural child birth!

Once he was out, they laid him on my stomach and he immediately choked out some cries before they'd even cut the cord. Ryan helped cut it, which was his first time. :) The baby nurse took Logan over to the warmer to get him cleaned up, weigh him, etc, and he had a fever of about 101. Because of this, they made us stay a full 48 hours in the hospital to make sure everything was fine with him. All his tests were normal and vitals were great - and with an apgar score of 8-9. We were so extremely happy to have a healthy baby! We are so in love with our little guy. :)

Dr. Lewis on the right and my delivery nurse on the left (who literally was only with us for the delivery since the shift change happened right before I had him. I wish I had a picture of Lorena, our awesome nurse who helped me through the labor)

Day 2, hanging out in the hospital and sooo ready to go home

Ryan thinks this outfit makes Logan look like a lumber jack but I think it's cute!

Double chin!

Heading home!!

Our sweet friends decorated our door to welcome Logan home!

37 Weeks & Grace's Adventures

Well... I'm 37 weeks along this weekend and we definitely didn't think I would make it this far! We're grateful for making it to the safe-zone of "full term" and know that we've been very blessed. I don't want to down-play that blessing. But I have to be honest and say how frustrated and disappointed I am that I haven't had this baby yet. We were given the "end point" of bed rest and medications (which was monday, 4 days ago) and were under the impression that I would most likely go into labor pretty quickly. I have a weak cervix that doesn't hold up under the weight of the pregnancy. I figured that once I let gravity do its job again (with a 6 pound baby pushing on it this far along) that it would thin out and dilate pretty quickly! So far that's not happening as fast as we all thought. A few days ago my OB checked me and said I wasn't dilated and was still thinning out. Ugh. We thought I'd be dilated at least to 1cm by now! Ridiculous.

Photo from 36 weeks

A week and a half ago Ryan took Grace up to Salt Lake because he had 2 interview trips he needed to get done while I was finishing up with bed rest and I obviously couldn't taken care of her by myself. We felt at the time that it was a perfect option to let her stay in Utah and were so grateful to both our sets of parents for offering the option so willingly and taking turns with her. We assumed I would have had the baby this week and then my parents would drive Grace back down and see the baby as well. I was planning on two weeks at the very most without her home! That's a LONG time to be without our little girl. But now that it's thursday night, with nothing happening, I'm feeling really discouraged about this "perfect plan" we had made, and feeling responsible for her not being with us and grandparents still having to take care of her for no reason now. :(

I'm perfectly able to take care of Grace now that I'm up like normal. Ryan isn't starting work until Feb 1st, which is quickly getting closer and closer, and yet we're not able to spend this time together as a FAMILY like we'd hoped. Getting her home would put someone out to fly her down, or make someone drive her down when there's no baby for them to see yet, or to send Ryan to meet them half-way to pick her up would risk having him far away when I do actually go into labor. There's just not a good answer right now. I'd hate to go through the motions of getting her home in a few days from now, anticipating a longer wait for the baby, just to end up having the baby the next day and making all that work for nothing. I don't know... nothing makes sense right now. I'm just frustrated, and hormonal, and tired from not sleeping well, and feeling extremely guilty about everything ... and all of that together is too much for my silly emotions right now. I don't know how many times I've cried in the last few days. :( Sorry to be so down - I'm just being honest.

On the plus side, in these last few days alone together we've been able to go out to eat a few times (Cafe Rio, In-n-Out, Sweet Tomatoes), run errands, clean our house and KEEP IT CLEAN consistently, see "We Bought A Zoo" at the theater, bake bread and cinnamon rolls, organize, sleep in, take naps, walk around the mall and The District (plus I've gone on long walks with friends), and Ryan has been able to volunteer to do some student-teaching at school (which he loves - even in his vacation month).

More importantly it seems like Grace has been having a great time in Salt Lake as well. She is sleeping well, eating well, playing and entertaining herself, and for the most part is being a good girl for her 2 sets of Grandparents. She spends the week nights with the Turners and the weekends with the Goates. The Grandmas both work for a little bit each weekday so they take turns with her on those days, but luckily they don't live far from each other and have been able to make the back-and-forth stuff work really well. I'm so glad! My mom keeps saying to me that it couldn't be going better, and to stop stressing. What would I do without these awesome moms in our lives?! Incase you're wondering what she's been up to, here are some photos from pix messages we've been receiving. Grace has been able to...

... enjoy lots of fun time in the bath ...
... play at Jump Around Utah with her cousins ....

... watch movies ...
... play in the snow ... (first time)
... and go to a U of U gymnastics meet. She also conned Grandma and Grandpa Goates into buying some Utah swag to make mommy jealous! ...

We're still holding out hope that something will happen this weekend and we can have this baby so our original plan won't be too off course. Otherwise... we'll work something out to get Grace back home really soon. I can't go 3 weeks just sitting here waiting while she's up there. :( If I had a newborn in my arms and she still wasn't home, I would be feeling differently. But as of now that's not the case, so I'd rather we be together and wait it out.

His Hands

We are surrounded by those in need of our attention, our encouragement, our support, our comfort, our kindness. … We are the Lord’s hands here upon the earth, with the mandate to serve and to lift His children. He is dependent upon each of us.

Thomas S. Monson

As this trial with our pregnancy is close to coming to an end, and we'll be able to welcome a healthy baby into our family any day now, I have been feeling extremely overwhelmed with the constant love and service our family has received. I don't feel like I even have the right words to explain how I feel towards those who have given us so much during this experience, but I wanted to try and record what's in my heart. I wish I could repay these wonderful people who have provided so much!! I wish they could see into my heart and know how grateful I am and how blown away I am at their generosity.

So for those who have been there for us, please read this and feel our incredible love for you.

I've always known how important it is to serve others and to fill the needs of others... whether they ask for it or we simply see them struggling. In our situation, we've had to ask for a lot of help, which has NOT been easy. I admit am one that likes to be in control of our home and our lives ... and who likes to be the one to provide the service to someone else. It's simply not easy or "fun" to be in a position where you can't take care of yourself and your own family. It has definitely taught me lessons in humility, and in allowing those around us to come in and provide the things I couldn't do for my family. I know that there is a time and season for all things. I guess this was our season to provide opportunities for others to serve so THEY could be blessed by our Heavenly Father for their willingness to serve! That being said, I am even more determined to do more for others than I ever have before this happened! Even if I can't "pay back" all the blessings we've been given by our friends and family, I can at least "pay it forward" to for the rest of my life.

The greatest blessings on earth are our children. For whatever reason, it's difficult for Ryan and I to bring our children into the world safely. We had quite a scare with Grace when she was born ... and we knew there was a chance something like that could happen with this 2nd pregnancy. Thank goodness we knew to be watching for the same signs or we may have been in a worse situation than simple bed rest for awhile. After struggling to get both our kids here, and realizing we obviously couldn't have done it by ourselves, I promise to ALWAYS REMEMBER the many people who have helped in some small way to help get them here safely. What would we have done without you all?!?! We will be grateful to you every single day that we can hold our sweet children and see them grow up healthy and happy. We have had countless meals brought in (which are still coming!), a full freezer of extra meals, treats dropped up, visits, play dates for Grace to help her and us, Priesthood blessings, phone calls and texts to check in on us/me, shoulders to cry on, rides to and from appointments, family members who have taken care of Grace long-term, people "on-call" to help with rides or Grace if I went into labor, movies and magazines dropped off, errands run, sign-up sheets created and passed around, prayers offered on our behalf, and so many more things!!

Ryan and I ask Heavenly Father every single day to bless those who have served us. They have been ANGELS on earth and truly filled all our needs without a second thought. They have LIVED what our Gospel teaches.

"I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God."

-Mosiah 2:17

We, as His children, are truly His hands on this earth, as President Monson said. He relies on us and expects us to jump in and serve!

Both of our children will have been born here in Henderson. I know in my heart that Heavenly Father knew what and who we would need in our lives in order for us to have a strong support system away from family. Like I said before, there's a season for all things ... and He knew that this season of Medical School and starting our family would not be an easy one. He put us into a place where there was a great ward and an AMAZING group of friends that we could rely on through these 4 years. We are so grateful to Him for those blessings and are overwhelmed by the love we feel - - both from Heaven and from those around us!

To everybody who has stepped up: THANK YOU. To everybody who has prayed for us: We have felt those prayers and are grateful for your faith and love. To those few who have literally gone ABOVE and BEYOND (you know who you are), we will always love you and be indebted to you. I know we can never repay you, but I truly believe that Heavenly Father will bless you for your service. I'm grateful for this Gospel that unites us, and that we are taught to serve and love and support each other through this life. I hope I can live up to the examples who have touched our lives and try harder to be the Lord's hands on this earth.

35 Weeks

Well... almost 35 weeks, I mean. :)

This last week has been rough on me, between the many emotions I'm feeling, the headaches from my medications, the boredom, lots of lots of contractions, and the claustrophobia of being stuck in my house. I had an emotional meltdown day the other day where I was just unhappy about everything. :( Mostly I just hate feeling so frustrated with Grace when I know she's only reacting to the crappy situation she's in right now. I worry so much that the NORMAL Grace won't return to us when life gets back to normal. She used to be so easily-pleased, self-entertained, well-behaved, happy, sweet (although she'd have her terrible 2 moments sometimes). I felt like I was a step ahead of her most of the time and could keep her happy and in control. Ryan and I are not used to this demon child that has come out in the last few weeks! She cries about everything. She screams at the top of her lungs at us. She spits! She throws things. She doesn't eat what food she's given most the time. She pushes things over and climbs and jumps on beds and couches (total no-no in our house) and ASKS to be in time out because she likes being able to jump in her crib. Ugh. Trying to decide on a new method for time out while Ryan is in charge has been nearly impossible. We haven't figured out the best, most effective way yet. I don't know where our sweet girl went and I pray she'll come back once mommy is back to normal.

This baby boy is SO ACTIVE. Almost all the time. He especially hates it when I lay on my left side and can be really rough with his kicks, squirming, elbowing and stretching when I do lay on that side. I seriously think he hates being stuck in there... which makes me think he'll hate to be swaddled too. It'll be interested to see if I was right about that. One issue with him moving so much, and with so much strength, is that it causes me to have more contractions - and I sure am having a lot. So even though I've been saying it's not his fault that I'm in this situation (it's my darn body and weak cervix), I'm starting to think it may be actually be a tiny bit his fault for being so anxious to come out! haha

Like I said, I've had a lot of braxton hicks contractions. I've been taking Procardia (to slow them down) for almost a month now and in the last week and a half it doesn't seem to be as effective. I tend to get the heaviest and most between 6 and 9 pm each evening (every 5-10 minutes for a couple hours). Otherwise, throughout the rest of the day, I get about 2-5 an hour. They don't bother me and aren't too bad, but they are getting more uncomfortable as time goes on. They're more than just the tightening feeling - but sometimes can be close to "painful". Last night I had 9 in one hour and then 7 the next hour. I was nervous and called my OB who allowed me to go 2 more hours to see if they would slow down to 4 or less per hour. They did... otherwise I would have had to go to the hospital to get the shot that slows them down. Both yesterday and today I went to my Perinatologist to have them monitor my blood pressure (to see if my body could handle doubling the Procardia medication), and the contractions. They weren't worried about all the contractions, but my doctor did say he predicts I'll only make it another week and a half. I just have to keep track of whether the contractions are feeling like braxton hicks or if they're feeling hard and fast like active labor. That should be easy since I've felt the real ones before.

These next 2 weeks are going to be really interesting... Ryan has an interview at the University of Utah on this coming monday through tuesday. We absolutely don't want him to miss that one, and have even bought an extra plane ticket for Grace to go up with him so he can drop her with Grandparents. She'll stay in SLC until we have the baby and one of the sets of Grandparents will drive her home when we're back from the hospital. We'll be hoping and praying that I don't go into labor while Ryan is gone, but luckily it's only for about 36 hours! He'll get home and we'll have 4 or 5 days without Grace to hopefully help me relax more and keep this kid in during that time. Because... Ryan has ANOTHER interview in Fresno, CA on the 15th-16th. I'm a little terrified about that one. That's a little past when my doctors think I'll go into labor, so at this point we're hoping that I have the baby a few days before Fresno (middle of next week), or the day after he gets home from Fresno. That way he could probably still go and I'd be fine by myself with the baby. Somehow it'll work out... ???

In my mind, though, I'm just trying to make it to January 16th. Ryan will be home from his Fresno trip that evening, and at that point I can be DONE with all my meds and DONE with bed rest! I'll be 36 1/2 weeks and that's what the Peri. recommends for going off of everything. If we do make it to that day, I'm sure I'll be going into labor shortly after (once I'm up and doing things like normal again). I'm so excited for that day! I hope we can make it to that point. I don't want to mess up Ryan's interviews (because obviously he won't go to Fresno if I'm going into labor or if something goes "wrong"). We'll see... We're doing what we can. Just knowing that Grace will be having a blast in Salt Lake will help me to relax so much more and focus on keeping the baby in until the best possible time for all of us. I know we'll miss her a ton and it'll feel like years before we see her again ... but for now I'm just grateful that she'll be well taken care of and happy up there, where here she seems miserable and frustrated and bored.

So here's to another 12 days of bed rest and medication! We're hoping for the best. :)