38 Weeks

For journaling purposes... a silly analogy you can chuckle through along with me...

I'm standing at the start of a track and field event: a race with a series of difficult hurdles. I can see up ahead that I have lots of these daunting hurdles to jump over and I know that I'll consider it a "win" if I can just clear all of them. That's it - all I need to do. That's what multiple coaches have told me before I even took on this final race. I know it'll be difficult but I know how terribly important it is to clear each one, and I feel confident I can make it happen. The race starts and I work very hard at clearing each hurdle. Some are way harder than others and I have to rely often on those cheering me on and my own inner strength  that I never knew was there. As I near the end of them I start to slow down just a little because, incredibly, I'm almost done! I can celebrate the finish of this long, exhausted race in no time. As I clear that very last hurdle, I suddenly realize, oh gosh, I still don't see that finish line I'm supposed to cross. I keep running, although I'm completely exhausted and disappointed to have to keep going, and I felt I'd used up all my energy just to get to THAT point. I really thought from the start that this last hurdle would mean the END of this race. Past experience has led me to believe as much. As I process this new realization that I have to keep going, I have my eyes peeled for that wonderful, blessed finish line. But still I can't see it! I admit that in those moments of weakness I cry... a lot... but I keep going and even try to find things about the race to enjoy along the way. I'm still looking for that finish line, but I figure it must be around the corner...

That's just a bit of fun, really. But that little analogy is a good way to describe how this marathon pregnancy has felt to me. Tomorrow I will have made it to 38 weeks! I can't even believe I've made it this far. Looking back a few years, when Ryan and I first started approaching the idea of trying for another baby, we did a lot of praying and asking questions. I had a consultation with both an OB and a Perinatologist (high-risk doctor) in Columbus OH. Given my history, I was told that I have a "weak cervix" (not "incompetent", just "weak"). So I didn't need a cerclage, but would possibly need bedrest again and could also try the Progesterone injections. This is a medication that has proven in many cases to help strengthen a pregnant woman's cervix and allow those who had history of preterm thinning to make it to full term. This seemed like a great fit for our situation. We decided that because of the possible struggles another pregnancy would bring, we would wait until after Ryan was done with residency and could be more available to me and the kids. Even back when Ryan was interviewing for this job in Paradise CA, I sought out an OB in town who I could consult with about my situation. He felt confident that we could make a plan together, get the progesterone on board, and we would just stay very vigilant of what my cervix was doing throughout the pregnancy. So fast forward to when we got pregnant... There was of course the fact that I was completely sick from 5 weeks until about 18 weeks. THAT is always quite the "hurdle". Then my doctor spent the entire 9 months taking measurements of my cervix and watching for any change, plus we started those injections at 17 weeks. I have been in his office every single week from then-on-out to have those checks and those injections, and each week was proving to me that everything we were doing was working. It was amazing and we felt so blessed! I'm so thankful for a great doctor (who is also our friend) who has been so on top of my health and successfully carrying this baby to full term.

At 34 weeks I went in for a typical check, and suddenly I was dilated to a 3. Yikes!! Not good news at all. I was put on a bedrest for 2 weeks until we could get to a safer place (36+ weeks). I was super careful and my cervix went back to a 1-to-2 with all that rest. My doctor says I have a "dynamic cervix". It changes (up or down) based on how much or little I contract and based on activity level. Within another week I was having lots of contractions that would sometimes be inconsistent and sometimes be very consistent. It's been extremely confusing for us! I know the difference between the little, braxton hicks and the intense labor-causing contractions. I have been feeling both (daily) since around week 20. It's just how my body works I guess! So a few days ago when I was feeling the heavy kind and they were coming every 6 and 7 minutes, I thought "Ok this could be the start of labor!" After an hour we decided to get the kids settled with our friend and head to the hospital. I knew it could very well be a false alarm since it had happened at 34 1/2 weeks as well but I was afraid that since I was already dilated to a 4 that things would move really fast once those contractions did start. We got there, I got hooked up to the monitors, and of course they were slowing down by then to every 10 minutes, and weren't very painful. I was dilated to almost a 5 at that point, so they let me walk for an hour to see if I would progress and get to stay to have the baby. Buuuut I didn't progress and went home an hour later. I was SO disappointed and so exhausted and so confused. I thought I was listening to my body and following the "rules" of when to head to the hospital. I felt embarrassed and frustrated. I also hadn't slept pretty much at all the night before this happened so I was just an emotional wreck, to be honest.

I admit I went through a few days of being discouraged that I was still "running this race" and STILL didn't have my baby in my arms. I've never been pregnant beyond 37 weeks and 1 day, so I'm almost a week beyond that now, and it's been a big surprise! I'm so grateful that this baby will have a better start and be more physically ready than my other two. But any woman who has been pregnant knows how frustrating it is to continue to wake up each new day STILL pregnant when you feel like you're just straight up DONE. And the fact that I have gone longer than I did with the other two makes it so that in my mind I'm "overdue". That may be hard to understand if you're a 40-weeker or more... but to me that's how it has felt. ;) I'm doing much better the last couple days with coming to terms with the timing. Pregnancy hormones and emotions made me a bit crazy, but I feel a lot more stable after that rough weekend, and I know I can continue each day until it's time for this baby to come. It's hard going to 2 straight doctors' appointments hearing "Your water is going to break any day now" and "I'll see you in labor&delivery VERY soon" when it still isn't happening. It also really plays with my head and emotions when I'm timing contractions that are just barely too far apart to be considered labor, but I'm having to really huff and puff to get through them!! But I know it'll all be just fine. :) I know he will be born very soon, whether it's tonight or next week. I'm SO excited to have him in my arms and to finally be done with this loooooong marathon race I've been in since last september. 

Getting Spoiled

We really have hit the jackpot when it comes to friends in this little town of ours. I am SO incredibly grateful that I've found this group of ladies who are so easily there for each other. Everyone is willing to pitch in when someone is in need, and even those I don't know very well have bent over backwards to help us at different times throughout this pregnancy. It's not been an easy one at all and if I didn't have the support and help around me that I do, things would not have gone as smoothly to get us to this point (full term).

Sensessa Tiffany and Shannon Hunt offered to throw me a shower, which was SO sweet of them! It was planned for April 8th (friday night). It turned out I was put on bedrest a few days before, but I felt strongly that it would still be ok to go ahead with it. I would just make sure to rest and be careful while I was there. I'd already had to postpone my shower with Logan's pregnancy until after he was born and it was a bummer. I didn't want to do that again.

Isn't this incredible?! They had asked me what Baby Boy's room would look like, and I told them light blue, grey, and elephant themed. They not only used that theme as the decor for the shower but also let me keep all of those great prints and decorations to take home! I already have them up in his room and I absolutely love them. It helps when you have very artsy, creative friends and both these ladies definitely are.

Brynn and Senessa. Characters, these two, I tell ya. They always keep us laughing.

Becky Kambourian and Senessa.

Brynn's way of eating popcorn! 

Rachel Nelson and Jen Curtis (her husband is one of 4 anesthesiologists up here and may very well be at my delivery!)

Me and Rachele Hargrove

Kerri Läufer and Alanna Club

Drawing game: trying to make a nursery on top of my head.

Baby Boy and I were SO.SPOILED. Honestly I could not believe how sweet everyone was. I got a pack of diapers from everybody there, and some really wonderful things that I'm really excited about. Those burp cloths are from Rachele (on the right) who hand-sews them. I had seen her a few days before and saw one of them she was using with her baby, and I was gushing over how cute and how perfect they are. So she sewed me my own for the shower! So sweet.

Some of the others things I got were: some outfits and onesies that are so nice to have, MAM binkies, Children's Place gift card, a soft teething necklace for me to wear when he is bigger (it's super cute, guys!), a couple packs of Aiden&Anais blankets (my favorite swaddling blankets!), bandana bibs I had been hoping for, and some other accessories. They really spoiled us.

These ladies are so sweet to me and have helped us so much. I appreciate their friendship and their genuine, real natures. 

Rachele, Alanna, Kerri, Shannon (she hosted and took photos), Sara (my OB's wife, actually!), Jen

Brynn, Rachel, Shannon, Becky, me

Ryan's sweet nurses from the private clinic also offered to throw me a shower. They are seriously the best! These ladies could not be more welcoming, supportive, helpful, loving, and generous. On saturday the 9th we had a shower with the medical staff from both of his clinics. Unfortunately there were some last minute issues that came up with several of the ladies, so it ended up being super small. Only about 5 came... and another 6 or 7 who said yes didn't make it. So that was a bummer, but it was still so sweet of those who came. 

Annie's daughter decorated their chalk board with all these cute messages

They had really yummy food and this AMAZING chocolate cake from a local bakery. 

Oh my, it was amazing and I got to go home with some of it. Yum.

 I didn't get any pictures of who was there, but it was Brande, Annie, Pam, Jen, Lyndia Logan (Dr. Logan's wife) and Dr. Susan Mallory. So sweet of them all to come!! They also totally spoiled Baby Boy and I. We got some outfits for when he is 12 months, some things from my registry like outfits, a gift card for Amazon, and some bathing products among other things. 

Within a week of the shower, Ryan kept bringing home more and more gifts from those nurses who couldn't make it to the shower. I can't even say enough how wonderful these ladies are. I don't feel like I know them very well at all... and they don't know me that well. But they absolutely love Ryan and I think that's ultimately why they wanted to celebrate this baby! From them we received the sweetest things: books for the big kids which each nurse personally signed with personal messages!!, more outfits for the baby, the carseat cover I had been wanting (never had one of those with the other kids), a mirror for the back of the seat in the car, a gift card for dinner at Olive Garden, and a few new baby toys. They were so sweet!! Even one of Ryan's patients dropped off a gift to bring home to us as well. They are all just so incredibly sweet and generous! I still can't wrap my head around it. We're so thankful for everyone and this sweet "village" that surrounds us. 

Spring Break Activities

Spring break was pretty low-key. I felt bad actually. My kids aren't the types that need to be out and doing a hundred things, but I also didn't want it to be a waste of a week. We really enjoyed having Grace at home with us everyday though. That's really the best part! The kids played pretty well together most of the time and the weather was so gorgeous. Ryan didn't feel he could take any time off since the baby is coming soon. So we just enjoyed time together at home mostly, with a few fun things thrown in there.

For Easter the kids got the game "Headbanz" from their Gma and Gpa Turner. We have loved playing it together. Thank you, Turners!

 The kids absolutely begged for a picnic one day. It ended up being chillier than we expected once we sat in the shade and we only spent half our meal out there. It certainly is beautiful these days though!

 I really love my cordless Dyson. Seriously. We don't even need a broom anymore and vacuuming is 100 times easier than it used to be! 

 The wednesday of spring break was National Doctor's Day (March 30th). I even learned the history on why they have it: It celebrates the first time that general anesthesia was used in a surgery in the '40s, and then Pres Bush signed a resolution from the Senate in 1990 which made it a national holiday. 

So just for fun the kids and I made Ryan's favorite Monster Cookies with our friends the Kambourians, and then we delivered them to him and the other Pediatricians at the health clinic.

 We also made these super cheesy badges to wear so their patients would give them a little love throughout the day. haha. Only in Pediatrics could we get away with that! His colleagues apparently were very touched by the gesture. :) 

After dropping off, we met our friend again at a park in Chico so we could play and have a picnic. It was really fun and I'm sad I didn't take any pictures. Oh well. We also shopped for a few things at Old Navy that Grace needed. After all of those activities that day (which is A WHOLE LOT for me lately), Grace said "Mom, today was a really fun day. Thank you." So it was worth it even though I was completely exhausted during and after haha. I'm such a wimp!

 Grace and Logan have been spending lots of time in our yards now that it's nice weather and the trees and flowers are blooming. They're often out there biking, scootering, adventuring, or blowing bubbles. Sometimes I still pinch myself that we live here!

 And all I can do at this stage is sit and watch while they play. That's ok, right?

 There is a cookie shop (called "The Cookie Shoppe") in Chico which we have been trying to visit for months. It has odd hours (closed on saturdays) and I've been wanting to go check it out when I have both the kids with me... which rarely happens. So we were finally able to check it out! And seriously their cookies are SO dang good. We tried 6 of the 12 or so kinds they had available that day. My favorite were the Snickerdoodles and Oatmeal Butterscotch and chocolate. The kids loved theirs as well. You just can't go wrong! And I'm much more of a cookie or cake fan than ice cream or some other treat. So this place makes me happy. :) I wish it was closer than 30 minutes away but beggars can't be choosers!

 General Conference came and it's also one of our very favorite weekends of the year! We did some buzz-word snacks and changed them up for each session.

This was saturday morning. I really loved having my whole family in the same room to listen and enjoy together. Sometimes Ryan is out doing yard work and listening with headphones, but he was able to stay in with us and build ikea furniture for Logan's room while the kids did quite activities. My "love language" is quality time... so I just live for these kinds of days. Conference was wonderful and I enjoyed all of the talks so much.

 The kids were awesome for saturday morning and then of course Logan was struggling in the afternoon. I had to end up driving down to Chico to buy computer ink between sessions... which was annoying but saved us from having nothing for them to do on sunday!

I had seen a fun idea online where the kids can use a butterfly printout, white frosting, and Easter jelly beans to decorate their own butterfly. They loved it and it kept them busy for awhile. Plus it was a great way to use up all those extra jelly beans I didn't want around the house!

 In between sessions on saturday Ryan borrowed a trailer and took a load of garbage to the dump for us. I'm so glad we finally got rid of the pile of wood which has been sitting out there since our carpet went in! The kids played for a bit and it was beautiful weather.

 They love getting pulled around in the wagon.

 While Ryan went to priesthood session the kids and I played several games. This was one massive game of Memory! Logan rocks at this game!

 Spring Break actually extended into an extra monday since it was a snow-day makeup day. We met several friends at the park that day which was fun! (It turned out that the next day I was put on bedrest so I guess it was a good thing we did it when we did)

Family Update

I'm at a good pausing point in catching up on events and realize I need to put some extra updates in here. There is more to family life than just the iPhone pictures and the random holidays!

Ryan: Where to start? This man is such a hard worker. He is always improving, always working harder and more efficiently. Not just at work either, but at home he is always looking for the next project he can work on. He takes great pride in learning a new skill while working on the house or yard. He is never afraid of hard work even when I look at something and think "It's so not worth the effort!"

This is totally bragging on him but... At his two clinics and at the hospital L&D floor, he is so well-loved by everyone. OBGYNs have asked him to be the Pediatric specialist on their boards, and have called him personally to ask questions about cases they needed some insight on. They trust him and appreciate what he does. The patients he encounters have good things to say about him and their kids love him! He tells me that he can tell he is doing good work when his young patients (like 1 and 2 year olds) will come right up to him to sit on his lap or give him a hug. The nurses at his clinics love him so much that they talk him up to new patients that call in asking who they should start seeing.

My eyes have been opened to the "business" of being a physician and how the billing and "cost center" works. I understand more and more as time goes on and as he dumbs things down to explain them to me at times, haha. He has been on salary pay since he started but is able to switch to production-pay in the summer. We've decided he will do that after the baby is born and after his Turner family trip to Las Vegas. That way his numbers don't plummet right away from taking vacation days. Once he gets a little more established and into a good groove on production pay he will start talking with the partners about joining as a partner. They have been trying to talk him into it since the fall! They want him to join their team and help steer things a little more. Ryan ultimately wants to but he ultimately wants to see that the partners in the group (of which there are 7, in a few different specialties) are willing to expand and add additional pediatricians. They soooo need more pediatricians up here, or in Chico, since the area has lost 5 in the last year or two and those have not been replaced. There aren't enough Pediatricians to meet demands and the wait time is getting long. Anyway the group talks about recruiting and Ryan is all for it! But he wants to see that they're serious and they're willing to grow before he signs on as a partner. So we will see! There is benefit to it but also more liability. So there are things to consider and decide on. We are excited about how incredibly well things have gone though! And about how quickly he has built his practice up. In March he was the leading physician when it came to amount of patients he saw out of all the physicians at the health center (out of like 70 physicians). He has had a few months like that, but March was particular awesome. Just more and more proof to the partners that he is worth having around! I sure love him. And I'm so proud of his hard work.

Grace: Grace is my sweet, helpful girl! She helps me so much by playing with Logan. It's often not appreciated by him or peaceful between them. But when it is, she it's so wonderful! She will make up imaginary things for them to play, or convince him to go outside on an adventure with her. It's such a huge help to me, especially while I've been pregnant. I used to be a fun mom and do stuff with them... It's been awhile since I felt up to it and I sure hope it comes back after we settle in with the baby.

Grace is getting so good at reading. She will read the scriptures in the morning with us and I am amazed at the things she can pronounce. Some words take her a little while, especially compound words. She doesn't automatically think to break the word apart but tries to pronounce every sound separately which doesn't always get you a correct end result. But that's all normal and she is getting it! She LOVES to learn and loves to create. At school they do choice time and have an area that I think they call "imagination station". Yesterday she came home with an umbrella that she made out of paper, tape, and a paper towel roll... all on her own! She said nobody showed her - she just did it. Then she'll come home sometimes and tell me about a game or something she wants to create but needs such-and-such items. I need to be better at letting her run with it but like I said... lately I just have no energy to shuffle through my craft boxes to find things she asks for. I'm sure it'll come back eventually. Grace is also really excited to start 1st grade and asks me often how many more months until she gets to do that. I can't believe how quickly she is growing up.

Logan: This boy is... silly, fun, thoughtful, helpful, loud, full of energy, and a huge trouble maker as well. He is that child who is going to always be pushing the limits we set. I say NO to something he wants and he continues to ask "please?", "just one more?". And as bad as this is, I admit that I do end up giving in a fair amount of the time. Yikes! He is my "one more" child. I can just see it now... he's a teenager and asking to get away with things that we tell Grace she can't do... Things she will eventually let go and forgive us for, but he will push and push and end up getting his way! Because he has this quality that I can't say no to him often, and he totally knows it too. It's dangerous. I shouldn't even share that with the world, but one day I'll want to read this.

Logan can't wait to be a big brother and talks about it often. I have to keep reminding him that the baby isn't going to be able to crawl or play with toys or run around for awhile. I think he is having a hard time wrapping his head around what it will be like to have a newborn. I can't wait to see him in that role! Both of the kids will be such good big siblings and so sweet with him. They both absolutely ADORE any babies of any age that we are around at church or with friends. Logan is also getting really into Star Wars. Ryan got him into it when the new movie came out and then I found a 5-minute story book of Star Wars stories at Costco that we read together at night. Ryan loves showing the kids those "Bad lip reading" youtube videos and now Logan will whip out lines and songs from it anytime of day! "Don't fall asleep". "I said seagulls? Poke-uh my head. Not fun! I said seagulls? Mmm, stop it now!" hahaha It makes me laugh every time. Crazy boy.

Jamie's pregnancy update: I am currently 35 weeks and 4 days today. It's getting down to the wire now, so every day counts towards getting a stronger, healthier baby ready for the world! Two check-ups ago, I went to my regular appointment and wasn't having any issues. My cervix was thinning a bit but nothing my doctor was concerned about. Plus I had another injection, like usual, to keep it strong for another week. I went in for my checkup last tuesday (almost a week ago) and I was suddenly dilated to a 3 and the baby was at a -2 position! What the?! I was totally in shock. I didn't think that would happen so suddenly ... although of course we always knew it was a possibility with my history. It just really surprised me. So now I'm on bedrest at home. The original goal was to make it to the next appointment for my last injection, which is tomorrow, and then to make it to 36 weeks on thursday... and maybe we could even get to 37 next weekend! Then we would be in a much safer place to have the baby. The main concern is the fact that there is no NICU here in town, and that has ALWAYS been my biggest worry ever since we started looking at the job here over a year ago. Logan was born at 37 weeks perfect healthy and didn't need any time there, but of course Grace was a whole other story at 36 weeks and 5 days with multiple complications. I just can't stomach the idea of having this baby flown to Sacramento to a hospital 2 hours away from us if he is sick or struggling in a way that they can't handle here in their newborn nursery. They are scenarios that they can handle here, but anything more and their nursing staff (and the pediatricians) are not comfortable keeping under their care. They can handle a baby who needs oxygen for a little while, or needs antibiotics for something, or even a baby who just needs to have extra time to grow a bit before sending them home. I hope and pray that we will be able to have a healthy baby even if he is born very soon.

So last tuesday after I got that news, I went home, immediately got in bed to try and relax and process it all. That night at 10pm I suddenly started contracting every 2 to 3 minutes, consistently, with no change. Sometimes they were even less than 2 minutes apart. Some were hard, heavy ones that were painful (like a 6 or so on my pain scale) and some were just small ones. But consistent! And it freaked me out. Ryan called my doctor (who is our friend as well) and he happened to be right down the street finishing up a note on a delivery at the hospital. He offered to come up to our house to check in on me rather than make us go to the hospital in the middle of the night. Seriously, how amazing is that! He determined I was not actually in labor and said we were fine to wait it out without going in. So I spent the rest of the night trying to sleep, but unable to. I literally got 45 minutes the entire night and was just sick with worry and contraction discomfort the entire night. Even at 7am they were still 4 minutes apart but weren't hard, painful ones by then. I was exhausted and sick to my stomach for some reason, but I was also concerned about how the baby might be tolerating all of that. So after I dropped Grace at school and Logan with a friend, I spent an hour at the hospital being monitored. Ryan was there for a little bit after checking on his babies, which was nice. My doctor popped in to check on me between other deliveries and found that my cervix was now back to a 1 and I was only 50% effaced. I thought that was so strange! But he said it's not abnormal for a cervix to change like that. Of course by the time I got hooked up to the monitors, the contracting was back to my normal 10 minute intervals and had nothing to prove. So they sent me on home. I was able to nap for a little while and recover but I was feeling so sick and yucky all day long. I have the sweetest friends though and they helped so much with the kids and with dinner that night!

2 minute intervals. Yikes!

Being monitored the next morning... baby had great heart rate and I only showed a few contractions within an hour so everything was back to normal.

Now it's been a few days and I feel confident that when I'm good about laying down I don't contract nearly as often. That's very hopeful. I think that I can [somewhat] easily do this for another week and then I can start being up more. We will see what happens! I'm so very very grateful for a great doctor who is so aware of me and what needs to be done, a husband who picks up the slack I'm leaving to him at home, friends and neighbors who are constantly offering and providing service in every possible way, and for all our family members who are praying and holding a family fast on our behalf. So much love and support and help! We are so thankful and know things will turn out alright. We are just taking it a little bit at a time.

Lots of hanging out with mom on the bed...

And doing homework on the bed...

My sweet friend, Shannon Hunt, picked up the kids and let them play at her house for a couple hours. It was super helpful!

One of our neighbors (Kay) in our cul-de-sac saw me outside for a quick second and asked my she hadn't seen our kids out playing for several days. I explained about bedrest and needing to lay around. She jokingly told me that I needed a nice chaise out on the lawn so the kids can still ride bikes while I rest out there and watch them. I laughed and sarcastically said "Yes, let's get me a chaise! That would be perfect." Well... a few minutes later she literally brought me this reclining camp chair to borrow for as long as I need it! How amazing is that. We are truly surrounded by angels in our neighborhood.

Showing how lopsided and funny my belly looks when I'm having a contraction. I think it's his bum sticking out on the right.

 34 weeks

 35 weeks