Merry Christmas!

This year was the first time we did a rotation between our families for the 2 days of Christmas. It worked out really well for us, since our parents live only 10 minutes from each other and the days can get crazy trying to shuffle between each event multiple times. We spent all of Christmas Eve with the Turners and then most of Christmas Day with the Goates.

Ryan's siblings and their families came over at 4 pm on Christmas Eve where we ate dinner, played bingo, put on a Nativity program, sang songs, exchanged presents, and had a great time together! Grace was supposed to be the star and had a cute little costume to wear, but of course she was absolutely not interested in following the simple instructions. In fact she was A PILL and kept crying about everything, even while I tried to get her to open her present from Grandma and Grandpa (a Rapunzel doll). Doesn't she realize Christmas is a happy time?! ;) I was trying to be really good about staying reclined anywhere we were during the party (upstairs or downstairs) especially since I was contracting through the whole party. But when they started coming every 8 minutes I ended up laying down in our room and missing the last part of the party. :(

The kids always love playing with Uncle Ryan and Uncle Kyle - but Kyle definitely gets the most rough play now that Ryan's an old, boring daddy himself. haha ;)

A rare moment that Grace wasn't crying about something...

Singing Christmas carols

Opening the Rapunzel doll!

Lots of hair to brush.

On Christmas morning, we woke up early, showered, and opened presents. We told Grace that Santa came last night, and she said "Gracie toys!". We asked her what toys he brought? And she said "Buzz, Woody, Jessie, Bullseye". I couldn't believe she remembered! A few days before I told her that maybe Santa would bring her those toys for Christmas, and she actually remembered! Grace only had a few presents from Santa since she'd opened all her books throughout the month, and Ryan and I had our gifts to each other. Tori and Grandma and Grandpa joined us and opened theirs as well. It was perfect, relaxing, and fun to watch Grace open hers! We saved Grace's best present for last and she was SO EXCITED when she saw the Toy Story characters. Ryan and I have been beyond excited to give her this gift for a month now and it was so fun to see her light up when she saw them! She immediately said "Opeem" (open) so we pulled them out and they're now attached to her hip. :)

Big-belly mama opening a present. Santa did a great job! I was very spoiled.

Toy Story friends!!

At 10:30 we headed over to my parents' house to spend the rest of the day. First was the traditional brunch (cinnamon rolls, ham souffle, hot chocolate, fruit), then it was time to head to Sacrament meeting. I stayed home while Ryan took Grace with everybody else. My brother Thomas was performing a couple of musical numbers at his single's ward, so everyone who could go attended his meeting. I'm so sad I had to miss it ... I heard it was a wonderful meeting with lots of beautiful music! After church it was nap time for Grace and Owen, and the adults hung out and enjoyed the quiet. :) In the evening, the rest of our family members came over for a yummy dinner buffet with all kinds of finger foods: ham or turkey roll sandwiches, spinach artichoke dip, cheese ball, hummus and veggies, etc. Too many to name! The older grandkids ran around the house on their treasure hunt my parents put together, and they had a great time! They even earned REAL gold coins at the end. :) The adults played a game of their own - sort of a newlywed game with men vs. women and it was really fun! The prizes for correct answers were well-worth it too.

Bro-in-law Dan, and Big Brother Ben

I was laying around on a large ottoman from the basement and it ended up being kid-central. The kids liked doing the puzzles where I was, so this was my vantage point most the night.

Grandma and Grandpa gave the two little girls a cute Little People set, which are favorite toys at our house. :) It even has a "wee bum" (a swing).

Thomas performed a really sweet Peter Breinholt song which he re-wrote and set to a slide show of Christ pictures. It was a great part of the evening. I'm so lucky to have such a talented and spiritual younger brother to look up to!

Mmmmm, Cake Roll (aka: Yule Log)!! We used to have these every year but it's been many years since it was attempted because they're not at all simple to make. Thanks mom!

Last Christmas as a family of 3! Merry Christmas!

Too bad I looked as exhausted as I felt in this photo...

... in fact, that night at 3am I was having contractions every 5 minutes for a bit over an hour and it really freaked us out. I chugged as much water as I could, took another Procardia pill to slow them down, and tried to relax. We ended up canceling all plans we had the next day and were bummed about that - but at least I didn't go into actual labor! I guess two parties in two nights was a bit too much, so I took it a lot easier after that. We're grateful that we didn't have a Christmas baby, and grateful we were able to be in Salt Lake with those we love!!!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Aunt Tori helped with Grace's baths. Thanks Tor!

We're back home in Henderson now and we had a nice time in Salt Lake! It was not very eventful like it would have been if I weren't on bed rest, but we didn't go up for those reasons. Hopefully next year we'll be able to see Temple Square, Christmas Street, visit friends, attend all the parties, play games etc. But at this point, we were just so grateful to be able to be there and see everybody in our family that that was enough for now. It's been such a long time since we saw my brother and his family (from Ohio) so we were especially excited to be there and spend some time with them. It was so fun to finally get to know Owen better (he was a baby last time we saw him) and have my younger brother home from his mission so we were all together again. :) The Turners were so wonderful to let us stay at their house during our visit and both families helped A TON with Grace and anything I needed so I didn't have to get up much. We are so lucky to have such supportive and willing loved ones.

My mom works at Jolley's Pharmacy and there is a wonderful Santa who hangs out in his little house outside the store every Christmas. Ryan took Grace over to see him a couple days before Christmas and apparently she was very excited. She wasn't scared of Santa and walked right up to him to sit on his lap. I have no idea why she posed that way but it doesn't surprise me. Oh, such a silly girl. By the way, this was her first time meeting Santa ever! Very momentous. ;)
Ryan's Grandpa Byron held his Christmas party on the 23rd but I wasn't able to attend. I take up so much space (having to be laying on a couch) that I didn't want to be in the way. So Ryan and his family took Grace and they all had a great time! His Grandpa insisted on ordering take-out Chinese food for the whole family and everybody loved it. I stayed home and watched While You Were Sleeping.

I wasn't able to take many pictures the entire week... I did take some (and Ryan helped) on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but that's about it. I'll post those next. Here are a couple of the Goates family that we took (since we're unsure of the next time we'll all be together).

Grandkids, minus the 2 coming in the next couple months.

Owen, Layla, Jack, Josh, Grace

The whole family! I love them all so much.

Things are looking up!

Just a little update on the pregnancy ...

My mom left for home last friday, after helping us for a week, and we are so grateful to her for coming. Ryan was pretty hesitant to take the reins by himself again, and frankly so was I... but it's actually been going really well. Grace still doesn't treat Ryan very well a fair amount of the time, but they are starting to figure each other out. They've never had this much time to spend with just them, and without me to jump in to save one or the other. It's been interesting for me to watch how Ryan handles her tantrums and her erratic emotions towards him. He's so patient with her! Seriously, I am not as patient and calm with her as he is during her "Terrible-Two" moments. He's even gotten really good at dressing her in cute outfits that match! haha Sounds silly, but moms know what I'm talking about. That's a compliment!

It's been really tough to relinquish control on my house and how things are usually run. I had to learn (well, I'm STILL learning) not to micro-manage Ryan in how he gets things done that I would normally be doing. I know he's fully capable, and I've had to really keep my mouth shut and continue to thank him over and over for all the things he's doing for me these days. He's truly the best husband and father I could ever ask for and I'm incredible blessed that we are going through this TOGETHER.

I feel like I'm a broken record... But I'll say it again. We've been so blessed to have ward members and friends bringing us dinners every other night, AND surprise freezer meals dropped off, AND visits/phone calls/texts to keep me entertained, AND friends taking Grace for us for a few hours here and there. It's amazing to me how loving and involved the people around us are. I am learning so many lessons from being in this position. We've had to ask for help and we've had to accept the help. I will never forget all of those who have been there for us, and I will forever want to be paying it forward as I hear of others around me needing a meal or some other service I can provide. When Ryan gave me a blessing on that first night I was put on bed rest, I was told that one reason I was experiencing this was in order to provide others with a chance to give service. I had never thought of it that way before... and even though it's hard to be in this kind of position, it has taught us important lessons. I pray every day to my Heavenly Father that all those who are stepping up to help will be greatly blessed for doing so. :) We love you all!

Ok now to the check-up we had 2 days ago. Ryan and I went to my appointment with Dr. Masaki, the Perinatologist, on tuesday morning. I was given the FFN test again (Fetal Fibronectin - which came back negative, which is good) and they measured my cervix. Last week it was at 3 cm, which is a good length. This time it was almost 3.7 cm!! That doesn't sound like much, but was never even that thick early on in the pregnancy when we first started measuring, so that's pretty amazing. The doctor was stunned, impressed, and literally walked into the exam room laughing about the results. He just couldn't believe how well I was able to turn the situation around after things looked so bad a couple weeks ago. He was very happy that my contractions were happening less, the bed rest was working its magic, and the Progesterone was doing its job to strengthen the cervix. In fact, he was so happy with the results that he doesn't want to see us again for 3 more weeks (when I'm 35 weeks) just to make sure everything was still looking good. The doctor was very upbeat about us making it to 36 or 37 weeks, at which time I will stop the medications and I can have the baby anytime my body starts the process on its own. That was such good news and we could hardly believe it!

We asked the doc very thoroughly (for the 2nd week in a row) about whether or not we could go to Salt Lake for Christmas. He cleared us to go as long as I was smart about it, and wasn't even worried about the long car rides that it would require. After hearing that, we went home and literally started making plans, doing laundry, and packing (well, Ryan did most of that stuff). We left the next morning at 8 am and made it in just 6 1/2 hours, which is a record for us while traveling with Grace. Ryan only let us out to pee a few times and Grace only got out once for a few minutes, haha. Poor girl. We just pushed through as fast as we could. I leaned the car seat back really far and it definitely was not comfortable ... but at least my head was right there by Grace and I felt like I could see her and talk to her easier than normal, without having to twist around 100 times during the ride.

So now we're in Salt Lake with our families, staying with the Turners! We're SO so so happy to be here. I cried multiple times a day, for days, when we first thought we wouldn't be able to come for Christmas. Our Goates family hasn't had a Christmas with all of us together in 3 years and we'd been looking forward to this one for a long time. I'm so grateful that we aren't going to have to miss it after all! Staying home to spend the holiday in Henderson wouldn't have been all that bad if I wasn't stuck laying down through the whole thing. One day soon I know we'll choose to do our own thing for Christmas, but I wasn't ready for this to be the year... when I can't MAKE it a good holiday for my little family.

It goes without saying, but we're extremely grateful that we haven't had this baby yet and that we aren't having to celebrate Christmas with a baby stuck in the hospital. :)

Bed Rest

Well we have survived the first week (and a couple days) of bed rest! It could not have been done without the help of so many wonderful friends, ward members, and especially my mom. Grace has been a bit of a wreck since I was put on bed rest, which is understandable, poor girl. She lost her main play-mate and caretaker! Sometimes she'll climb up to me on the couch and let me read her a book, or she'll come to me for a hug, but it seems like most of the time I am simply a permanent part of the couch. Grace already knows to ask for somebody else to help her with anything (mostly "Nana" this last week) and she also knows that if she does something against the rules right in front of me, my warnings hold NO weight at all. She knows I can't chase after her or put her in time out, and she can easily stay out of reach of me. It's a bit frustrating for me, to say the least! But more than that it is quite heart-breaking to be in such a helpless position when Grace still really needs her mom. We're doing what we can to make it easier on her, and I know she'll be fine for this short while. I do understand that I'm doing everything I can for Baby Boy ... but I still can't help but feel extremely guilty and sorry for what Grace is having to deal with. Life is just NOT normal here right now and her attitude and emotions are a reminder of that.

I think this was day 2... exciting, right?

And if it looks like Grace is pushing on my stomach, I promise she's not. We're careful about her not hitting or pushing on me so it doesn't add more pressure to those muscles.

The plus for Grace has been having Nana around to play with and take care of her! She LOOOOOVES having my mom here and gets lots of loves from her. She's also had some great play time with Daddy. Like I mentioned before, pretty much the only thing I can do with Grace is read her books if she lays down with me on the couch. We already bought about 17 books for Grace from Santa for Christmas, and my friend (and pinterest) gave me the idea to wrap each one individually and have Grace open one everyday until Christmas. It was perfect timing because I needed the one-on-one time with my sweet girl and we had all those books ready to give her for Christmas. It's been so wonderful to have something fun each morning to open and then a new book to read together. :)

(opening a book with Dad)

Another thing I obviously can't do at this point is to actually finish getting things ready for Baby Boy. I had previously gone through Grace's white onesies, blankets and things that could pass for a boy, and burp cloths so they were set aside for when he was born. My mom washed all of them for me so they're ready to go! She also helped me get the littlest of the outfits washed and ready to be used as well. My sweet friend Melissa offered to let me borrow her preemie outfits (just incase...) and just knowing I have them and they're washed and ready to be used makes me feel more prepared. My mom also helped me by organizing Grace's toys AND clothes (while I lounged on the couch) so that the room wasn't so jam packed with "stuff". What an amazing helper, right?! She's too good to us.

As for the pregnancy, I'm 32 weeks along tomorrow. Considering what we were hearing and threatened with a week and a half ago, we're very grateful to even be at 32 weeks right now and still chugging along in the pregnancy! We went to the doctor a couple days ago to recheck the length of my cervix and monitor the normal stuff: heartbeat, baby's size, etc. We were very surprised to find that my cervix went from 1.5 cm the week before to 3 cm this week!! All of that happened because I've done nothing but lay around and taken all that pressure off my cervix. :) Very, very good news! The doc even said I could be a bit more propped up some of the day - but I still lay a lot of the time too. I'm still taking the Progesterone and the Procardia and drinking LOTS of water, which is good for slowing down contractions. The Procardia gives me a headache and a super hot & flushed face within an hour of taking it and I take it 3 times a day. There were a few nights I had to take it in the middle of the night and on those nights I was doomed when it came to sleep. I just couldn't sleep more than a couple hours total. Anyway the doctor is feeling good about where we are at this point as long as I continue to do what I'm doing. His goal for us is 37 weeks, but I still feel like we won't quite make it that far. I don't know, of course, but I'm thinking more like 35 or 36 weeks - but ultimately we just don't want to deal with the NICU. If we can make it to 36 weeks, we think he'll be at 6 pounds like Grace was, which wouldn't be so bad as long as he's healthy! So that's our goal.

One major problem we're dealing with is that Ryan has 2 more interviews for residency programs: one at the University of Utah and one in Fresno, CA. Both are in January when I'll still be just 35 weeks along. It FREAKS me out to think of him leaving Grace and I alone in this situation. Especially the fact that my doctor is sure my labor will go really fast this time - faster than the 6 hours (start to finish) that I had with Grace. Scary! We'll figure something out by then but I pray I will not go into labor while he's out of town for those two short trips. That would just be icing on the cake, wouldn't it...

Have I mentioned that I have the most incredible friends and ward family??!! Starting on saturday this weekend, we'll be getting dinners brought in every other night through the rest of the month and we have play dates set up for Grace to be able to get out of the house a few times a week. The meals will make Ryan's life a thousand times easier, while the play dates will help Grace get away from the stress and tension she probably feels at home right now. Both things help ease the guilt I'm feeling and allow me to rest easier... so they are all such blessings right now! We are so cared for and I cannot possibly thank everybody enough. Overall I feel like everybody who has stepped up to help is directly affecting our baby's life - which I will forever be grateful for. And of course my own wonderful husband is at the top of that list! Poor Ryan has had to do everything, including being my errand-boy and gofer all day long. How many times a day do I ask for a drink or water, the remote, a book, to turn the light on, a snack, do laundry, change a diaper, etc, etc, etc. He's amazing. I'm grateful that he also has almost the entire rest of the month off of work at this point. The Lord knew what we coming for us and set up a strange twist of events that caused Ryan to have to do an OMM rotation at the school. Because of that he has been allowed to easily have the time off we needed, little did we know. :) We're so blessed!

Just for a fun, here is a photo of "baby Grace"... She kept rolling around in the blanket so Ryan brushed up on his swaddling skills. I think he's ready for another little bundle! ;)

It's not time yet!! (30 weeks)

Two and a half weeks ago I went to my normal Perinatologist appointment where they measured my cervix. It was still doing great and the doctor was so pleased that he toyed with not seeing me as often after that. I told him I definitely wanted to keep seeing him because it put me at ease to know how things were really going internally. He had me reschedule for 2 weeks later to continue with the plan.

Unfortunately, during those 2 weeks, Ryan was away doing interviews back east and was gone for 6 days. Apparently I over-did it, working way too hard and probably picking up and carrying Grace too much. When I went to my next Peri. appointment on tuesday (just 2 weeks after the last appointment), we received quite a shock after having my cervix measured! It had reduced by half, only 1.5 cm which is practically "done", the way the doctor put it. I was put on strict bedrest and was told that my chances of having this baby very soon (within the next couple weeks) were possibly very high. I had another appointment for the next day (yesterday) to take a Fetal Fibronectin test, which tests for a specific protein. If that protein is present in a pregnant woman it means they will most likely go into labor within 1-2 weeks and no stopping it. I was also given a prescription for Progesterone and Procardia (which relaxes the muscles and helps stop contractions from happening as often). Luckily the Fibronectin test result came back NEGATIVE this morning and we were never happier to hear that!! If it had come back positive, I would have needed steroid shots to develop the baby's lungs faster and get prepared for the baby coming any day. So scary!

For whatever reason, my body doesn't like to carry the weight of pregnancy past a certain point. I don't know why I have a weak cervix, but luckily our experience with Grace's early birth has prepared us to watch out for this. I didn't think we'd be dealing with these threats quite this early and thought I could make it to January, at least. But oh well! We're there now.

At this point I just need to follow all the rules of bed rest and NOT cheat or justify doing anything I'm not supposed to. I literally have to lay down (no sitting at all) and only be up when absolutely necessary, but not for more than 20-30 minutes total in the day. If I keep taking my meds and following those rules, then we hope to see some results at my follow-up appointments (the cervix thickening or at least holding steady and not getting worse). We'll take it a week at a time and continue to hope that this little man can stay in longer. I'm almost 31 weeks along and that is just way too early. Ultimately I will do anything that will hopefully keep us from another NICU experience... especially if this next time would end up being longer because he's earlier and smaller than Grace was. We absolutely do not want that but... we'll just hope and pray for the best!

We've already seen so many blessings just in these last 2 days of trying to process what's happening and figuring out how to manage the situation.

-First, we've had COUNTLESS prayers said on our behalf, our names put in the Temple, and so many well-wishers. I literally have sores on my thumbs from texting friends and family who have been checking in on us, haha. That's never happened to me before.

-Second, the baby is already measuring pretty big at nearly 4 pounds. Thats big for 30 weeks! Even if we could make it another 2 weeks, he'd about 5 pounds, and 2 more weeks would be nearly 6 pounds. Any of those options is better than a teeny tiny one!

-Third, we received those great test results this morning, giving us more time than we thought we might have.

-Fourth, we've had friends able to bring us dinners the last 2 nights, bring freezer meals and treats, and take Grace to play at their houses for the morning hours to allow me to relax. Plus tons more friends offering anything and everything we might need. I have such amazing friends and ward members!!

-Fifth, Ryan went to work yesterday at the OMM clinic at the school, and the doctors told him that they understand the situation we're in. They know he's done a lot of work with them in the past, helping in OMM class as a TA and volunteering at the evening pediatric clinic. The way they put it was that as a "gift" to him, they would let him sort of make his own schedule and do what he felt he needed to do. So with that news, and knowing that he already has quite a bit of time off later in the month for Christmas and such, Ryan will be able to be home and helping a lot! That is SUCH a stress reliever for me, especially for the days when we'll be on our own just before and after Christmas. :) I'm grateful for those doctors being so understanding.

-Sixth, both of our sets of parents have been so wonderful and have offered so many options in order to help us with Grace. They both offered to take Grace to Salt Lake and keep her for a little while so I can take it easy, or for someone to come down and stay with us to help out here. After seeing how hard things were these last two days with a 2-year-old needing me for everything, I realized I did in fact need more help than just a play date for Grace every day. My mom is right now flying here to stay with us for a week, and then Ryan's younger sister will come stay for several days after my mom leaves. That will take us to Ryan's last day of work (the 22nd) and then Ryan will be home until the end of the month. After toying with the idea of sending Grace to Utah for a couple weeks, and my apparent inability to cope with it (I couldn't stop crying about the idea this morning...) we felt it would be better to keep our family together and see how things go. What an amazing blessing that we have such loving family members who will drop their lives to come help us like that!

It's so hard to be in this position of needing so much help. I really hate it, to be honest. I can't even change Grace's diaper (I know, terrible, right?), or get her dressed, or get her a snack without breaking "the rules" and risking the health of the baby. I can't sing and perform in the church meetings this weekend I was involved in, or attend Christmas and birthday parties we had been invited to, or have the missionaries over for dinner like we'd planned. I know there's a time and a season for everything, and I guess this is just our season (again...) to need a lot of service in order to get this baby boy here safely. I'm grateful I can bring children into this world, but even MORE grateful for miracles that have occurred, and still occur, in order to get them here safely. We'll continue to hope for the best, and hope for the extra time our little guy needs to get bigger in order to be ready for the outside world.

Thank you again to everybody. We love you!!! I couldn't be doing what I need to for our baby if it weren't for all of you. So for that I will FOREVER be grateful. :)

Silly Grace

I swear, as time goes on, Grace gets more and more silly. She does things just to make me laugh sometimes, and other times the typical things she does are just so laughable I can't help myself! If I do catch her doing something funny/cute/sweet/endearing, and I start to giggle about it, she'll realize it's because of her, put her hand over her mouth and giggle right along with me. My favorite is when she realizes what's making me laugh and continues doing it over and over, or louder, while letting out an over exaggerated "HA HA ha!" Aw, I love that girl. I wouldn't laugh or smile nearly as often in a day if she weren't around! She likes to sing songs to herself, even if she isn't using real words. Just today I caught her singing numbers to herself ("one... two... fee... orr... ix...") while she was coloring. The other day she was tooting like crazy all evening, which kept making Ryan and I laugh. At one point she looked at me with all seriousness and said, "Tootie again, k?" and then popped off more toots! haha Oh that girl.

Here are some fun photos from the last few weeks that I realized I hadn't posted yet...

We spend a LOT of time at the park now that's it cooler, and since it's the only place within walking distance... And Grace LOVES going!

Finally got some new warm clothes, all ready for the change in seasons. So stylish! ;)

I caught Grace "decorating" her doll with shape stickers she got at a birthday party the night before. She didn't realize it was funny until I saw and started laughing. She was just busy creating art!

Of course when we're not at the park, and Dad is home, he becomes the next best jungle gym. Funny thing is - Ryan has had more "injuries" from the rough play than Grace!

Just chillin', watching Sesame Street.

Grace plays way better (and by herself for longer periods of time) if her kitchen and toys are in the living room. We try to keep the big stuff in her room, but she gets lonely in there. And I don't blame her!

Ryan is out of town again for almost a week, interviewing in Connecticut and Massachusetts. :( Grace and I have been trying to stay busy and enjoy all the extra girl-time. What's better than a good cookie-eating-session? After lunch today we did just that. I think she was in heaven! She sure loves her sweets.

Oh how I love those dimples.